Beautiful, Ugly Love

   
     I recently sought out counsel on how to deal with some people in my life who are hard for me to love.  I desperately needed someone to help me discern the voices in my head, as I wrestled through how to handle these relationships. The self-assured side of me argued, Don’t be a doormat… These people are too high maintenance… And yet, the over-analytical, people-pleasing part of me stressed, What will they think of you?… What are they saying about you?  The problem is, none of these whispers in my subconscious were the result of love. For while insecurity can easily hide under the guise of consideration, and carelessness is often hidden convincingly beneath the mask of confidence, neither attitude reflects the heart of our Savior.

            Truthfully, I wouldn’t have had to look far to affirm the selfishness that I fought to justify.  The world screams for us to put a limit on our “love”, and even in our churches, we find many excuses to distance ourselves from difficult people (as if any of us were easy to deal with).  But unfortunate for my sinful nature, the people whom I approached for advice are godly, gracious individuals who pointed me toward Christ-like love. They forced me to look at the condition of my heart, and to ask, “How would you love them, Lord?” 

The answer: He showed us just how…

In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another…

-1 John 4

Love is costly.  For though love covers a multitude of sins, somebody always ends up footing the tab.  After all, clothing the nakedness of another requires giving up your cloak.

Love is rich.  God is love.  Love may cause heartache and discomfort, but no earthly riches can compare with the wonder of possessing him and experiencing his relentless, powerful love in and through us!

Love is silent.  It is being willing to keep my mouth shut, even when they open theirs. It is laying down my reputation and giving up being right.

Love speaks. Sometimes this means saying sorry when I’m wrong. Other times this infers saying sorry because they think I’m wrong. And still other times, this consists of gently pointing out another’s error when it would be easier to avoid confrontation.

Love is strong.  It reconciles enemies, bridges heaven and earth, and overcomes the deepest darkness in our souls. When the world says, “You’ve done all that you can”, love keeps forging ahead in hope and faith.

Love surrenders. It does not fight to be on top. Love rejoices when others are more admired, beautiful, or successful than I am.  It mourns whens others are struggling or sinning. For to win one over to Jesus is to lose what I am entitled to and forfeit what the world says is mine.  

Love risks. I will get hurt and I will hurt others. I must lay down my rights and reasons, my weaknesses and strengths, my position and possessions, to be used at the disposal of another.  They may cherish what I offer, or they may walk all over it.

Love reflects. It does not claim or attempt to be Savior, but points to the One who is.  Its every thought, word, and action screams, “Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to Your name give glory.” It recognizes that apart from the Spirit of God,  “nothing good dwells in me.”

Love is not blind.  Rather, it sees clearly, and chooses to remain unconditionally, beyond the “honeymoon”.  When the wounds others have caused me tempt me to bitterness, love looks quickly and quietly to the cross, remembering that His wounds are always greater.

Love is messy. It involves rolling up sleeves and stooping down to whatever pit others lie in.  It means forgiving the thirty-seventh time as if it were the first. It is inconvenient, unfair, and absolutely hard work.

For the greatest act of love, the cross, which epitomizes the compassion God has for his children, was not an attractive sight.  Beautiful, yes. But never attractive. It was undeniably ugly. Horrifying. Scandalous. Heart-wrenchingly painful. This demonstration is the very picture that my life is to be modeled after.  

Praise God, however, that the cross not only gives us the standard by which we are commanded to love- it gives us the power enabling us to carry that standard out.  For this is love: not that we first loved him, but that he loved us.