The Messy Middle

Our longing was to embark on our fostering journey with Christ-centered selflessness.  We wanted to display the gospel through our love.  We, of course, failed (and will continue to fall short) in our motives.  But the goal remains: that we might open our home up and create these relationships for the purpose of knowing God better, and sharing God better.  Not to be the hero, not to "rescue" the children from their family, and definitely not for the paycheck.  

Our tendency, however was to simplify this goal into one of two categories:

Either, A: we develop an ongoing relationship with this child and their parents, and continue to support them in the eventual redemption and reunification of their family as a unit.

Or, B: the parent/s are unable to safely parent at this point in their lives and we adopt the child to be in our forever family.

I can remember, however, a vivid realization that smacked Sam and I in the face about halfway through our six-month placement with Little Man.  We had been working toward Option A, and open to Option B, but at a certain point we painfully understood: there are more than two ways this could go.  

As lights in the dark world of Child Welfare, we should hope for full restoration, and an ongoing relationship with the families we serve.  We should seek to learn from them, and understand their backgrounds.  And we should never, ever lose hope for their souls! 

BUT there are more than two ways that the gospel can shine through foster care.  God's patience and power are not confined to two, neat folders.  

Sometimes kids go home when it's really not safe.  Maybe they'll end up in care again.  Or maybe you'll never hear from them again.  Maybe their parents will never thank you, or worse, they could accuse you of awful and untrue things.  

The promises we hold on to are not rooted in what we'll get in return, but rather in the faithfulness of God no matter what ends up happening.  

And truth be told, we shouldn't be surprised.  God works all the time in the messy middle.  

As his fellow workers, we should expect to find ourselves in the same messy middle, those same complex situations which don't follow a constant, upward trajectory.  

Sure enough, that's where I find myself today. The messy middle. And it hurts.  No ongoing relationship is seeming to unfold out of our six-month, love-our-hearts-out placement with Buddy.  Not so much as a visit.  Or even a photo.  It's not what I wanted. 

But does that mean it was all for not?  Do I look back and wish I could reclaim the six months we poured out for that precious guy?  If I had known the outcome (so far), would I trade in those months of sleep deprivation and being behind on all my housework? 

NO. NOT for a second.  And our whole family feels the same...

The messy middle is harder to quantify, and it's impossible to tie up with a pretty bow.  It might leave our hearts a little more broken.  But one thing I know: it also left our hearts a whole lot bigger! A whole lot closer to the Lord's heart.  

When people ask me, "How is he doing?" I don't have an answer.  Just a prayer.  But just because I don't have an answer doesn't mean I don't have a hope or a purpose.  

The Lord is acquainted with the messy middle.  He stepped into our messy world and he continues to lead his messy church.  His heart is bigger than I can imagine. 

And its HIM who assures me that it's all worth it.  To step into the mess, even if it isn't a tidy "Option A" or "Option B", is to step into a deeper reliance on Jesus and a deeper understanding of his love.  His love that doesn't leave me, no matter how deep the mess... and praise the Lord, I can sleep at night because it won't leave Little Man, either.