Bittersweet: Loss in Love

 

Here I am, writing because, once again, there's another bed filled up in our home.  And one more child in this home means a whole host of emotions swirling around within me... I don't intentionally choose foster care as my most frequent topic, but simply because that's the space in my life where I most need to process.  That's where I have to work through so much sin, sorrow and confusion.  

It's a truly frustrating path, marked by deep grief and unnatural tension. Foster parenting has no sweet that is not tainted with bitterness; no celebration unstained by grief.  

The visit went well, I'm so glad... *except, now she has a deep sadness in her eyes and the tantrums begin. 
He gets to stay longer, I sigh with relief... *only, that means his parents are still swallowed up by a world of addiction. 
They have a strong bond, I'm so thankful... *but how can I enjoy him without continually acknowledging her tears?

In foster care, loss is always a part of the equation.

I pretend it's not.  Every placement, I find myself back at selfish-square-one, not really wanting to reach out to the biological parents.  I would rather demonize them.  Keep them at arms' length.  And keep their sweet child forever. 

But that's not God's heart.  I know that.  I know that I cannot embrace the grace he's given me, and wish failure over another family. I can not pretend that I am the missing piece to heal and rescue this child. I can not hope for the lost to stay lost, and the sick to stay sick.  
Jesus has planted a deeper desire in me, a higher mission to live for.  It's not easier, that's for sure, but it's greater...

That is: I'm called to LOVE.

And if this is how we know love, that he laid down his life for us (1 John 3:16), then really can there be love without loss? Resurrection without a laying down?

God is love.  In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him.  In this is love, not that we have loved God , but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.   (1 John 4)

For this world to gain the Son of God, heaven had to lose his glorious presence.  For us to be adopted by our Maker, the Father had to lose his Son and their closeness, while his wrath was poured out upon the cross.  For us to be healed of our sins, Christ had to lose his life and empty himself.  

In the gospel, there is no sweet that is not tainted with bitterness; no celebration unstained by grief.   

And yet, on the other hand, in the gospel: there is no bitterness which is not been overshadowed by sweetness.  There is no grief where celebration has not triumphed and had the last word!  

Yes, if we enter into the joy of our Master, we will also share in his sufferings.  But by the power and hope of the gospel, "beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."  (1 John 4)