Ask Me Again Sweetheart... What it is To Be a Woman

I found myself arguing with my daughter this morning… trying to convince her why she wanted to be a girl. 

“But girls get to wear headbands… and paint their nails… and have babies…”  After a few seconds of this, I stopped myself.

Is that the best you’ve got, Randi?

I texted my mom: “No fair” that she had 8 plus years of parenting experience under her belt before she had both boys and girls under the same roof, before she had to take the gender issue head-on.  With a daughter and son born nineteen months apart, I am called upon to explain anatomical and, more importantly, Biblical distinctives between male and female- already.

Oh Lord, I am not ready for these conversations.

I know that I cannot teach my sweet daughter what it is to be a woman until I understand what it is to be a woman.  

Can I be honest?  Sometimes, I don’t know!  Sometimes, I read those controversial "women passages" in the Bible- you know, the ones that say things like "women shall be silent" and "women shall be saved by child bearing" and of course that word that hasn't cooled off a single degree in the two thousand years since it's been written: "submit"- and I feel confused.  And sad.  Sometimes, I read what the Bible says to women, and I translate it: “Don’t be seen, don’t be heard.”

Funny enough, I've never been bothered by the concept of male headship.  I have heard complementarianism [women were designed by God equal to men, but different from men] preached, witnessed it being modeled, and experienced it in my marriage as an incredible picture of the Trinity. I am all for it.

And yet, just as it can be so easy to read all the other teachings in the Bible and miss the heart of the Teacher, so it is with womanhood. Even though I am not offended by authority over me, I am longing for affection toward me.

If I do not read Scripture in light of who God is and how He loves women, I will inevitably miss the point- and overlook that affection.  I will see the DO NOTs and SHOULD NOTs and feel crushed under the weight of them…

I cannot know what it is to be a woman, until I understand that I am a daughter.

Loved. Cherished. Chosen. And set apart. 

And then, I read the heart behind the God who could not call humanity “good” until he created woman [Genesis 2:18].

I recognize the beauty in the fact that Jesus was ushered into this world by means of a woman- a woman he honored and cherished until his last dying breath [Luke 2:51, John 19:26].

I delight in a Christ who saw women as so precious, that he willingly broke scandalous cultural etiquette to minister into their lives [Matthew 26, John 4].

As I grow in this knowledge, the things the Bible has to say about being a woman become liberating, not suffocating.  Luminating, not shameful.

…

Ask me again, sweetheart. Ask me again… What is it to be a woman? Why should you want to be a girl?

Womanhood is so much more than what you are NOT supposed to do, say, and be. 

God calls all women to BE.

To be brave. 1 Peter 3:6 calls women to “not fear anything that is frightening”.  In a world that widely accepts women as furious tornadoes-of-stress infecting their families with worry, I rejoice that the Bible calls us to higher ground.  We can overcome timidity even as Rahab and Mary Magdalene fought the fear of man, the fear of harm, the fear of rejection. God strengthens us to be brave and bold, to be leaders and truth-speakers, to be transparent and set apart.

To be strong.  Psalms 144:12 says, “May… our daughters [be] like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace.” We are called to be unwavering, adorned structures of strength in God’s kingdom! Submission and strength are not opposing ideas, rather I would suggest that submission is strength. For it takes strong women to lay down their lives for the gospel. It takes strong women to relinquish control. It takes strong women to submit sincerely and graciously to our husbands.

To be life-giving.  It is not an accident that the first woman was named “mother of all living” [Genesis 3:20].  The obvious implications are that women were given the glorious and miraculous role of carrying life literally into this world, through childbearing.  But I don’ think the implications stop there. There are so many ways to give life- the living water- to those around us: through encouragement, mercy, Scripture, and bearing in us the light of the gospel.

To be providers. In defining sexes, we often label men as “providers”, and no doubt they are responsible to care over their households.  But remember that women are responsible for sustaining the weak, nourishing children, giving to the poor [Proverbs 31]. There is no shame in being provided for, even as Ruth sought help from Boaz- and yet, don’t forget, it was Ruth who fed and clothed her mother-in-law.

To be human.  Galatians 3:28 says, “There is no male or female, for you are all one in Christ.”  Women are not a separate class of species.  As I was recently reminded by Jen Wilkin, men and women are more alike than they are different- because we are all human.  We display some different aspects of God’s image and character than men do, but we were both created in his image equally.  Don’t find your identity in being a woman over being a person- a child of God.

All these, and SO MUCH more, God call us to BE.

I’m certain I have much to learn about what it means to be a woman.  I am even more certain I have much to learn about how to teach my daughter what it means to be a woman.  Even as I learn aspects of God’s definition of womanhood, I am completely incapable of fulfilling them without his power and grace.

But I know the God who holds the blueprints.  And even though I am continually working to understand (and enjoy!) his design, one thing is certain: those blueprints were handcrafted by skilled hands. Hands which fearfully and wonderfully created women. Hands that fought to defend and stooped to comfort women.  Hands that were pierced through with nails... for women.