The Voice of the Village
"We've seen the village, and we don't want it raising our kids #homeschool"
I can do it better. And I can do it alone.
It's true in parenting: we each have millions of tutorials at our fingertips, whether that be on baby wearing or potty training or homeschooling, you name it, we can find our fave and follow the steps. But it's also easily true in our theology, our relationship with God, our marriage, our eating choices, our lifestyle, etc... We have this incredible ability, nowadays, to curate our own tribe. Friends, Facebook groups, books, and podcasts that all equally affirm and inform us. But is it enough to have all this outside input, when it's completely removed from any relational perspective?
I think, deep down, we all know the answer is "no". We can't only have digital mentors and online influence. We need real, live help. We need someone we can pick up the phone and say "help" to! It's not enough to look at the menu of life and curate your own "style". We need feedback, perspective, and dare I say pushback?!
I just got back from a Parent-Teacher conference for one of my children. It just struck me how helpful these have been for me, in the last two years of enrolling my kids in a hybrid-model (2 days classroom, 3 days home) school. Their teachers see strengths and weaknesses in my kids, and even in my teaching or parenting, that I would have missed entirely.
I realize its a GIFT to have others look in and see what I could never see from the middle of the swirling chaos. Oh, woah, I didn't realize my child was struggling in these ways. Oh, no way, she has these giftings? We've never acknowledged that.
I'm so thankful.
Meeting with a dear friend the other day, she mentioned a rare goal she's been working on. A practice that a think few of us want to or think to implement: the practice of humbling herself before others, and asking how she can grow. She has intentionally, if not wincingly, subjected herself to the loving challenges and correction of others in her life.
But wait. There's so many voices, already. How can we let the village in when it feels like we're already wading through the mucky waters of a million opinions?
We have to be intentional in which voices we're sifting out and which ones we're making space for. I'm not saying this is easy. But I do think about a few ways I need to work on this...
Filter out: Part of the reason I can't handle the thought of more voices in my life, is possibly that I've been letting too many unwise, unhelpful voices in. News feeds, books, blogs, and tabloid fodder easily become my mindless scrolling diet. And when we're feasting on the "Doritos of information" all day, who's going to have room for a nutritious meal? I think sometimes the first step in letting in intentional voices, is to tune out the less meaningful voices that have pulled up a chair at your table, uninvited.
Sisters/peers: Are the women in my life aware of my struggles? Are they willing to stop me in my tracks if I start slandering another friend? Or blaming my husband on all my woes? Are they able to apply the gospel to my season of weariness or time of triumph?
Sought-out Sisters of Different Seasons: The whole "sisters/peers" category, I feel like I scored the jackpot. I have half a dozen friendships that I could say "totally", these women point me to Christ. But where I really want to hone in, this year, is seeking out women (or men) I trust but have gone ahead of me or weathered seasons I haven't. That single woman in my church, she has wisdom. That empty-nester, two decades into parenting, she has something to teach me. That couple who's been through it, am I willing to hear from them? Am I willing to humbly and discerningly altar my steps, based on the experiences and Spirit-led counsel they offer?
Differing Voices: Next, I think it's really important that there are people in my life who have very different ways of thinking and living than I do. Maybe opinions or choices that I don't want to imitate, but that I still very much need to learn from. Maybe these are unbelievers, maybe they are friends of a different denomination, or maybe they sit across from me every Sunday but I naturally find very little in common with them. In measure, these relationships are extremely important in giving me perspective, compassion, and confirming my convictions.
Last of all, I think we need to let in the Distant Voices: There is a place, hallelujah, for podcasts and a variety of good books, and even for pastors and news reporters in faraway places. If we make sure they're not our primary disciplers, then we can learn a lot from the riches of resources offered to us.
I don't think I'm alone, when I say that the "food pyramid" of my voices and influences can tend to be upside down. I'm often giving half my plate to dessert, with only a few spoonfuls of broccoli. But even this metaphor falls severely short, because it doesn't do justice to sweet, rich feast that Christ offers us in "the village". We're truly missing out when we replace God's design for a digital decoy. No, our village isn't going to look like the world's version. So that's okay, if we don't let in every voice.
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